Archive for February, 2010

Newfoundland Premier Promotes “Animal Farm” Style Health Care

MIAMI (SBP) – After using his own personal fortune to purchase efficient, expensive and expedient health care in the United States, Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams held a post-op press conference to extoll the virtues of Canadian “Animal Farm” style medicare.  Premier Williams, an independently wealthy man, spoke from the  world class Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami where his heart surgery was an unmitigated success. Full Story »

Effin University to Become Effin Casino

REGINA (SBP) – In order to offset budget shortfalls due to corruption and subsequent funding cuts, the Effin University of Canada is set to be converted into an Effin Casino.  While the education portion of the Effin University will remain intact, the priorities of what to teach will change in order to accommodate the facility’s new direction. Full Story »

2010 Olympic Games to be Replayed Entirely In French

VANCOUVER (SBP) – In the wake of criticism of the limited use of french in the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games, the Canadian Government announced that they will be securing funding to replay the event entirely in french.  The additional 2 weeks of a separate french-only Olympic competition is unprecedented in the history of the event.  The move is meant to serve as an olive branch of appeasement to Quebec nationalists who have never, ever shat on anything relating to Canada in the past.  Full Story »