Newfoundland Premier Promotes “Animal Farm” Style Health Care

MIAMI (SBP) – After using his own personal fortune to purchase efficient, expensive and expedient health care in the United States, Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams held a post-op press conference to extoll the virtues of Canadian “Animal Farm” style medicare.  Premier Williams, an independently wealthy man, spoke from the  world class Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami where his heart surgery was an unmitigated success.
“I just wanted to remind the Canadian people of one of the commandments of socialized medicine,” said Premier Williams as he was served a dish of peking duck where each mouthful was acute positive pleasure, “Two tier bad; one tier good!”
Premier Williams exercised a non-traditional right to choose his method of medical care shortly after discovering that his heart murmur had worsened. 
“I would be only too happy to allow Canadians choice in terms of health care as long as it’s within the borders of Canada,” Williams said as he lay in the American hospital, “Because, unlike me, Canadians might make the wrong decisions.  And, then, where would they be?”
“The bottom line here is, it’s my heart, my choice, my health.”
Continued Premier Williams: “Once I saw the wait lists in Canada, I thought about the first and foremost commandment in all of socialized medicine; all Canadians are equal; but some Canadians are more equal than others.”
Animal Farm Health Care has a long and proud history in Canada.  Inspired by Old Major Douglas, the system first started as a way of overthrowing a corrupt and repressive system that would bankrupt families that needed medical help.  A set of commandments were developed such as “whatever goes upon American style is the enemy”, “no Canadian shall have two tier”, and “all Canadians are equal”.  In recent times, the commandments have been modified to the benefit of all.
“I did see the basic commandments as a good start,” said Williams, who is expected to have a quick and full recovery, “but some changes had to be made to accommodate the More Equals like myself, Jack Layton, and Adrienne Clarkson.”
NDP leader and Medicare advocate Jack Layton has been reported to have had hernia surgery at a private clinic in the 1990s while former Governor General Adrienne Clarkson was moved to the front of a pacemaker wait list in 2005.  Because of the needs of More Equal Canadians, the commandments had been changed to say “whatever goes upon American style is the enemy…unless it can heal you faster” and “no Canadian shall have two tier…unless you can afford it in a foreign country”.
Less equal Canadians were sympathetic to Williams case.
“It is so uplifting to hear of the success stories of Canadian medicare like Premier Williams,” said Marcy Donnell, who recently lost her father to esophageal cancer, “My dad was diagnosed at stage one cancer and we had to wait a mere five weeks for surgery while a doctor was on vacation.  Medicare made sure that my dad’s situation would go from horribly fixable to wonderfully hopeless.
“Thank God we have a Canadian medical system that allows choice for those of independent means to get proper help in the United States or Germany,” continued Donnell as she held the urn containing her father’s ashes, “It really warms my heart to know that some Canadians like Danny Williams are, indeed getting the best quality health care in the entire world. 
“All Canadians should be proud of our Canadian leaders who stand up for Canadian health care; that those Canadian leaders can seek out and get proper treatment in the most Canadian of cities; Miami, Florida.”
Premier Williams concluded his press conference by saying, “Back in the days before Medicare, the Canadian people had been slaves like the Americans.  But, now Canadian heath care is free and this has made all the difference.”
There was no question now, as to what happened to Canadian health care.  The Canadians outside the press conference then looked from Slave to Free, and from Free to Slave, and from Slave to Free again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.