Archive for March, 2010

Tiger Woods Has Sex With Sarah Palin On Melting, Penis-Shaped Ice burg

NORTH ATLANTIC ICE SHELF (SBP) – In the most shocking, most sensational turn of events in the past decade, golf superstar Tiger Woods admitted to having sex with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. The latest extra marital affair for Woods was committed on a global warming induced melting ice burg that used to be the home of a cuddly polar bear. The news comes just before Woods was to return to the PGA Tour and, for no reason, the ice burg was shaped like a circumsized penis. Full Story »

Citizens Terrified By American Style Vacation Homes

REGINA (SBP) – Confirming the deepest, darkest fears of many residents, Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall unveiled the latest step in his march towards socioeconomic Armageddon. The wolf in sheep’s clothing used the provincial budget as a platform to open the door to an American-style, user pay winter vacation homes. Full Story »

Thatcher’s Fictional Murder Mystery Book A Best Seller

REGINA (SBP) – Imagine this, if you will: it’s late at night.  You go to your garage.  You unlock the car door and proceed to get in.  But, you stop.  You feel a presence in the garage.  A presence…you might have felt before.  The shadows, though familiar, seem strangely friendly no more.  They are in league with whatever hides among them.  They are evil, predatory, and are closing in.  Suddenly, darkness grabs you.  This is the way mercy ends.  These are your last moments on earth.  And, just so you know, these final moments aren’t spent with Colin Thatcher. Full Story »

Residents Urged To Prepare For Bublé Virus

SASKATOON (SBP) – The Health Region of Saskatoon has sent out a general warning to area residents to be on the alert for a debilitating virus.  Known as the “Bublé Virus”, it is said to mostly affect hospital staff or those who provide medical support.  Local hospitals are expected to be running virtual skeleton crews when the virus fully takes hold on August 14th of this year. Full Story »

Next Year’s Pig Roast To Have Hindenburg Theme

Martensville (SBP) – After the massive publicity over their September 11th themed pig roast, the “Sask Type” of party of Saskatchewan is already making plans for next year’s fundraising event.  The 2011 fundraiser, entitled “Come Have a Blast!” will have a Hindenburg theme. Full Story »

Latest Stadium Proposal Accommodates Camper, Combine, & Tractor Parking

REGINA (SBP) – Yet another stadium idea has come to the table for consideration. A group of investors have tabled a proposal which showcases a more traditional view of Saskatchewan. Full Story »

Federal Budget Forgets About Cable TV Bill

OTTAWA (SBP) – The minority Conservative Government suffered an embarrassing omission in it’s annual federal budget when finance minister Joe Flaherty forgot to include the House of Commons’ monthly cable TV bill. The unfortunate omission will mean that the federal budget will have to be adjusted to accommodate the extra expense. Full Story »

New National Anthem To Include Gay Rights

OTTAWA (SBP) – In an effort to make amends for an oversight in an immigration pamphlet, the minority Conservative Government made an announcement that a line in the national anthem was going to be changed from “in all thy sons command” to “in all gay rights command”. The announcement came during the throne speech, which also unveiled the federal budget. Full Story »

Ignatieff Heartbroken Over U.S. Hockey Team’s Loss

VANCOUVER (SBP) – Michael Ignatieff sat in his seat, stunned, while thousands of people cheered around him. Beer, popcorn, and ticker tape rained down. Everyone had witnessed an historic moment that will be retold for generations. But there was no joy for Micheal. In one fell swoop, the heart that had supported his adopted country had been broken and, at the time of the overtime goal, was seemingly beyond repair. Full Story »

“Canadian-Type” of Broadcaster Airs Porn Flick During Men’s Gold Medal Hockey Game

TORONTO (SBP) – In an attempt to offset the ratings ass-kicking they’ve received the past two weeks, the “Canadian-Type” of Broadcasting Corporation decided to go for broke on Sunday afternoon by showing a pornographic made-for-TV special. The special, entitled “The Beach Moaners” aired in the same time slot as the men’s Olympic Gold medal game between Canada and the USA. Full Story »