University Of Ottawa To Issue Brown Shirts To Students

OTTAWA (SBP) – The halls of academia became more tolerant this week when the University of Ottawa announced that all students regardless of race, colour or creed would be issued brown shirts as part of a campus-wide uniform. The new uniform, which is mandatory under penalty of a “shout down”, is heiled as a triumphant narrow display of diversity and selective tolerance.

In a letter sent to the students and faculty, the university’s president reminded everyone that there are limits on their freedom to express any displeasure with the uniform. Thus, it creates a more free and open exchange of limited ideas and restricted opinion.

“There is a strong tradition in Canada, including at this university, of restraint, respect and consideration in expressing even provocative and controversial opinions about the brown shirts and urge you to respect that Canadian tradition while on our campus.” quoted the letter, “Hopefully, you will understand and agree that what may, at first glance, seem like unnecessary restrictions to freedom of expression do, in fact, lead not only to a more civilized discussion, but to a more meaningful, reasoned and intelligent one as well.”

The letter went on to state the “reasoned and intelligent” discourse would be limited only to “glowingly positive comments about the brown shirts” for fear that someone might be offended. Therefore, students are instructed to “weigh (their) words with respect and civility” when it came to the new brown shirted uniform.

University of Ottawa students seemed to welcome the new display of restricted diversity.

“I like that others are already doing the thinking for me,” said one Ottawa student with a glazed over, vacant look in her eye, “I trust the faculty here because they are smart. It really does save a lot of time to have opinions already formulated for me. This way I can just repeat their talking points and make it look like my own opinion.”

While it was recognized that some students may attempt to think on their own, a contingency has been put in place for such an occurance. For those who refuse to wear the brown shirt, special camps have been set up for students to be rounded up and placed there to concentrate on things like selective free speech.

“The student camps we have set up are a great place for concentration,” said a U of Ottawa representative, “In order to resolve any conflict, the University of Ottawa considers this ‘ideologic cleansing’ to be a solution that we consider final.”

The move was applauded by the media like Now Magazine’s Susan G. Cole: “Those are the things that drive (Canada’s) political culture: not freedoms, not rugged individualism, not free speech. It’s different and, for (Canada), it works.”

In addition to the brown shirted uniform, the University of Ottawa does plan further policy changes like a hand signal as well as a two worded chant that students can shout in sync with the gesture. All in the name of exterminating impure discourse and creating a master, progressive dialogue.