Provincial Unions Hire Vancouver Rioters To Win Public Support |
SOUTHEAST SASK (SBP) — In order to turn the tide of negative public opinion, the Saskatchewan Entitled Government Workers Union (SEGWU) hired hundreds of Vancouver Stanley Cup rioters to burn barns, turn over tractors and loot farm houses. The partnership is expected to win public support for the union cause as well as heal the black eye on the city of Vancouver.
“Woo! Go Canucks!” said Vancouver Rioter Moonbeam McLean as he threw a molotov cocktail at a water-logged barn, “These things have been hard to burn in all this water but, if you throw enough gas and fire at it, it’ll burn! Just like downtown Vancouver.
“Woo! Yeah, Canucks! Yeah Unions! Woo!”
After making the unionized crop insurers walk off the job during some of the worst flooding in Saskatchewan history, the president of the SEGWU addressed how he plans offset the optics of a union that abandoned the devastated farmers.
“We just want to say how sorry we are that the farmers reacted badly to our actions,” said Dick WeeMan, president of the SEGWU, “I honestly thought that, with all the flooding, that leaving the farmers high and dry would be a good thing.”
Continued WeeMan: “We regret the farmer’s outrage. We certainly hope that the Vancouver rioters will help heal the wounds the farmers seem to have brought upon themselves by reacting so badly. From the bottom of our hearts, we are truly sorry they felt that way.”
SEGWU has a long history of targeting the citizens of Saskatchewan in order to get their demands met. In 2007, president WeeMan ordered all snow plow workers and highway personnel to abandon their posts when there was news of an approaching blizzard.
“We had a window of opportunity to show how much we loved Saskatchewan,” explained WeeMan, “We regret that people felt their lives were in danger. Again, we’re sorry they felt that way. Who knew that people valued their lives?”
So, far reaction to the union employed rioters has been positive.
“Wow, I feel so much better now that the vandals have come in and destroyed already damaged areas. It lightens the spirits of everyone,” said a local farmer, “This changes my opinion of the public sector unions in Saskatchewan. They really do love Saskatchewan. On behalf of all the farmers, please accept our sincerest apologies for reacting badly.”
More glowing reviews poured in from other parts of the devastated region.
“There is no greater joy than being kicked when you are down,” said another farmer, “It makes one forget about the pain in their head by transferring it to your gut.
“Thank you so very much to the public sector unions. They have showed the citizens that this is how things are done here. This is the Saskatchewan way.”
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