Public Union’s Scary Campfire Stories Big Hit Over Summer

SUMMER CAMP (SBP) — “…and he said to her, the call is coming from Brad Wall and he’s inside your house!” said the Union leader as he raised his hands as claws and lunged at the children. The campfire billowed angrily in the wind and added to the effect. The children screamed, covered themselves in their blankets and, after a few moments of absolute terror, they laughed the laugh of children who have just gotten off a roller coaster ride.

And, so ends another scary campfire story from Saskatchewan’s public sector unions. The stories had been going on all summer with the relentless tenacity of a Yellow Jacket at a picnic. The aim was to entertain children at camp while educating them about the big bad premier that currently lives in the legislature, just waiting to destroy the province with his bloodshot eyes, crooked teeth, and big hairy nose.

“We feel this was our window of opportunity to expose children to the truth about why mommy and daddy are no longer taking long coffee breaks and coming home early because it’s too late in the day to start anything new.” said union leader Dick WeeMan, “And, we need to make them aware of all the scary new strangers who have come to the province to make our pieces of the pie smaller and smaller.

“And, most importantly, we need to show them how we are turning into a place worse than hell itself; Alberta.”

Many of the campfire stories feature the same cast of characters. The evil doers in every story are Premier Brad Wall and an evil troll from a long time ago named Grant Devine. They usually would end up firing mommy and daddy and casting them into the evil pit of capitalism where nobody has any health care or human rights; it would just be this ever growing pot of money that would swell to overflowing and, eventually, drown them all. Every story would then end with the singing of the union hymn, “Solidarity Forever”.

The barrage of fairy tales would leave the children disoriented. And, after awhile, the stories didn’t have to make sense to hit the mark.

“Do you know why the beaver has a flattened tail?” asked another Union Leader as he handed out union cards to the children, “Because Brad Wall privatized it!” And, the children would scream and cower some more.

“This is something that Tommy Douglas would be proud of,” said union storyteller, Barry Hubris, “Afterall, he told us the parable of the mouse and how evil cats are. Because, as you and I both know, farms are better off with mice as opposed to predatory cats.”

Finished Hubris: “And, in case I you missed it: Tommy Douglas, Tommy Douglas and, to prove my point beyond all doubt; Tommy Douglas.”

The children’s reactions were positive to the stories.

“Story time is my favourite time of camp,” said one child, “All the stories are really great and really scary. Me and my friends always ask if this is real and they say it’s real. But, deep down, we really know it’s not real. They are just trying to scare us.

“You’d have to be a stupid head to believe that made up stuff.”