Archive for November, 2011

Nickelback To Unite Country’s Hatred at Grey Cup Half Time Show

VANCOUVER (SBP) — November is a special time of year in Canada. It is when the country gets together to celebrate the finale of the CFL season; the Grey Cup. No matter if people were fans or not of the league, the event seems to bring people from all parts of the country together in harmony for a great national institution. Full Story »

Rider Fans Secretly Relieved Team Not In Grey Cup

RIDERVILLE (SBP) — Saskatchewan’s medicare capacity has been relieved of some pressure this November when the Saskatchewan Roughriders were eliminated from playoff contention. The absence of playoff tension has come as a secret relief to fans and the province in general. Full Story »

Job Fair Quickly Scatters “Occupy” Protesters

SASKATOON (SBP) — Screams of utter terror resonated throughout the streets of Saskatoon last weekend after a heartless group of individuals broke up the “Occupy Saskatoon” protest by offering the protesters jobs. The impromptu job fair quickly dispersed 99% of the protesters while 1% stayed to listen to the potential career opportunities. Full Story »

CBC Sask Finally Removes NDP Campaign Sign From Front Lawn

REGINA (SBP) — One week after the most devastating provincial election defeat in the network’s history, the CBC finally and lamentably removed their NDP campaign sign from their front lawn. The 30 foot high “Re-elect Dwain Lingenfelter” sign stood proudly at the entrance of the state funded media corporation from the very start of the 2011 provincial election. Full Story »

Lingenfelter Overrun By Avalanche, Missing

REGINA (SBP) — NDP Leader Dwain Lingenfelter is missing and presumed buried after an avalanche swept through Regina’s Douglas Park Monday night. Search parties have been dispatched to recover the vaunted party leader. So far, to no avail.

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NDP Capture Majority of the Minority of the Vote

SASKATOON (SBP) — By capturing over 99% of the minority of votes cast in the 2011 election, the Provincial NDP and Green Parties have resurrected the debate over whether such a statistical achievement should result in them actually forming government. Full Story »

Sask Party, NDP Woo Underage, Ineligible Voters

SASKATOON (SBP) — With polls showing an unprecedented amount of voters already decided, both the Sask Party and the Provincial NDP turned to people under the age of voting eligibility in order to make the lackadaisical “foregone conclusion” campaign somewhat exciting. Full Story »

Zombies File Human Rights Complaint Over Negative Portrayal

FUTURE APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND (SBP) — They stumbled along the sidewalks looking for their precious sustenance. Some didn’t speak. Others just growled or said one thing over and over. They only wanted the one thing that was in those houses lining the streets. And, they were hell-bent on getting all they could. They all looked inhuman, evil…and were incredibly insensitive to the feelings of those who were castoffs from society; the undead.

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