Grampa Not Amused By Techno Christmas

CANORA (SBP) — Oy Yoy Yoy! Could there be anything more annoying than having a damned stupid video camera shoved in your damned face while trying to eat your perogies, sour cream, cabbage rolls and turkey?

Such is the musings of local grumpy old man, Otto Teknochuk, Oy Yoy Yoy!

“They get that contraption,” said the frumpy Teknochuk of the invasive video recorder, “and I’m trying to eat here! It’s in my face. What do you want from me? I’m trying to eat here and you put that thing in my face and tell me to smile. What smile? Smile for what? What to you want? I try to swallow and you have that thing in my face. Can’t even enjoy this!”

Teknochuk’s family, while trying to capture the magic moments of Christmas on video, upset the old man by “Getting in my face. What do you want from me? It’s getting on my nerves!”

With the advent of instant technology, Christmas now carries a whole new set of invasive and isolating traditions. Alongside the old traditions of family bickering, being the subject in front of YouTube ready video cameras is quickly becoming the most annoying Christmas tradition.

“I sit to watch the TV, they tape it, they upload it. I play with the grand kids, they tape it, they upload it. I play cards, they tape it, they upload it. Lord have mercy!” complained the disgruntled old man, “I have to lock the door in the bathroom so they don’t record me having a bowel movement! Oy yoy yoy!”

Other family members were not so taken aback by the invasion of privacy and behaviour modifications the video recorder brings.

“We’re used to it,” said young whipper-snapper Kyle Teknochuk, Otto’s grandchild, “I have pics of me with candy up my nostrils all over facebook and twitter. All my online friends think I’m cool because of it.

“In fact, some people that I don’t even know were so impressed how I can insert objects in my body that they have asked to meet me personally. It’s just so cool to have all that stuff out there for people to notice me.”

Said Kyle’s parents, “We were just trying to capture the precious, precious moments and keep them forever. This way, we can all happily sit and relive the moment 15 minutes after it happens. Who cares if half of the Christmas season is spent in front of a computer or television? It’s like being in Heaven, I tell you!”

However, Grandpa Otto did not see the “magic” of the situation.

“Oy yoy yoy!” the old man added, “They tape, they upload, we watch. They tape, they upload, we watch. I’m sick of it!”

Grandpa Otto then demanded to go back to the senior’s complex where he can be ignored and mistreated off camera with dignity, far away from the watchful eye of technology.

“Just get me the hell away from these tools of the devil!” the old man finished.

The Teknochuk family was unavailable for further comment as everyone was staring at their respective glowing rectangles to watch video of the 20 minutes that had just transpired.