TORONTO (SBP) — Flummoxed with what to do to prevent future undesirable election results, the CBC has decided to issue an apology to the three political parties it shamelessly promoted during the 2011 election; The Liberal, NDP and Green Party.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t know what else we could have done,\u201d explained a CBC reporter as she proudly wore a Liberal party button, \u201cWe had Terry Milewski pontificate on how creepy the Prime Minister is instead of asking questions. \u00a0We even developed an online Vote Compass that — no matter what — said you were a Liberal voter.\u201d<\/p>\n
As the unfathomable federal election results came in, the CBC\u2019s unbelieving maws hinged agape. \u00a0Despite their tireless efforts to attack the minutia of their opposition and, despite the perpetual campaigning for their causes, CBC reporter\u2019s hearts were filled with consternation in the aftermath.<\/p>\n
As a result of their collective failure, the state broadcaster called a news conference to officially apologize to the Liberal, NDP, and Green Party.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur brethren, our confidants, our comrades; please accept our deepest, most heart-felt apologies,\u201d said the CBC President, lips quivering, in a televised prime time address, \u201cDespite our best, most concerted efforts, the enemy of every freedom in this country has thwarted us this dark day. \u00a0We have failed you and now must endure the wrath of a ruthless, misogynistic, sexist, racist, creepy, controlling, dictator who is a crazy, war mongering lunatic.\u201d<\/p>\n
The address, which cut short the pregame show on \u201cHockey Vote Liberal Night In Canada\u201d, was meant as an explanation as to why they failed to get the Liberal party in power for the third straight election.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe tried. \u00a0We really really tried!\u201d said the CBC president, \u201cFor some reason, the Canadian public just isn\u2019t becoming normalized to our consistent message of voting Liberal or, failing that, some variant of Marxist ideology.\u201d<\/p>\n
The CBC president went on to list \u201cindividual opinion\u201d, \u201cfreedom of information\u201d, and some strange concept called \u201cCritical Thinking\u201d as additional reasons why their campaign failed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne billion taxpayer dollars a year just doesn\u2019t buy the influence it used to. We are very, very sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
There is no word yet on whether the Liberals, NDP, or Green Parties have accepted the apology as it is likely that, like most Canadians, they don\u2019t watch the CBC anymore either.<\/p>\n
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