SASKATOON (SBP) — Screams of utter terror resonated throughout the streets of Saskatoon last weekend after a heartless group of individuals broke up the \u201cOccupy Saskatoon\u201d protest by offering the protesters jobs. The impromptu job fair quickly dispersed 99% of the protesters while 1% stayed to listen to the potential career opportunities.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the name of sweet Gaia, SAVE US FROM THESE EVIL CORPORATIONS!\u201d screamed an \u2018Occupy\u2019 Protester as he tweeted and facebooked the developments on his iPhone, \u201cThis is police state genocidal welfare warfare global warming George Bush!\u201d<\/p>\n
Many of the protesters scattered at the first sight of \u201cTHE MAN\u201d, some of them dropping their digital cameras, video cameras, iPhones, iPods, iPads and various other cell phones. What was not dropped, however, were bags of weed, hackeysacks and bongo drums.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have our priorities,\u201d said a fleeing Occupy protester as she desperately clung to her Eddie Bauer bag, \u201cMy parents can always buy me a new phone or camera but you just can\u2019t put a price on some good weed. Now, let\u2019s get the hell out of here before I\u2019m given some responsibilities!\u201d<\/p>\n
Many of the prospective employers at the Impromptu Job Fair were puzzled by the scattering of 99% of the protesters. <\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m offering good money here. You just have to work for it.\u201d said a rep from a Saskatoon construction company, \u201cI thought this would be the perfect place to get someone who would be willing to work full time. I mean, these guys planned to be here for a long time and I assumed that meant they were needing work. I thought I would help them out. Why are they running away?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Occupy Saskatoon protest was scheduled to start at 9am. But, through a series of consensus building committee meetings complete with hand signals, the protesters decided that Occupy Saskatoon would be best accomplished when they woke up around noon. It was then that the evil business owners of the city descended and dispersed the crowd with their brand of human rights violating capitalism.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was like, they wanted me to work, man! Like, do stuff in exchange for money! Money is what trust funds are for!\u201d shrieked an Occupy protester as he shook with terror, \u201cDude, what is this thing called \u2018work\u2019? I\u2019m scared! Why isn\u2019t the government saving me from this?\u201d<\/p>\n
Potential employers continued to reach out to Occupy Saskatoon.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnemployment is reaching an all time low in Saskatchewan,\u201d said local businessman and Impromptu Job Fair exhibitor, Nathan Paxton, \u201cAnd, as that happens, I\u2019m having a harder time finding good people to work for me. I need help to keep my business running and will pay good money complete with benefits.\u201d<\/p>\n
While 1% of the Occupy protesters decided to stay back and consider life changing job offers, the other 99% who scattered are likely to occupy places like their parent\u2019s basement. However, it is unlikely they will be found occupying things like a shower.<\/p>\n
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