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TOP STORY » MULRONEY TO GET HEAD START ON PRISON MEMOIRS
12-04-2007
MONREAL (SBP) – With his second scandal in as many decades, sources say that former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney commenced writing a sequel to the personal memoirs he released earlier this year. The new book, "Brian Mulroney: Life in Cell Block A, 1993-2011" is promising to be a prophetic vision of things to come for the 18th Prime Minister of Canada.
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2007 » COLDEST WINTER IN 15 YEARS, GLOBAL WARMING
12-04-2007
 SOMEWHERE COLD (SBP) – The debate is over. The science is in. Thousands of climatologists around the country have a consensus that this winter in Canada will likely be the coldest in 15 years, Global Warming. Lower than normal temperatures recorded over the Pacific Ocean will likely cause the entire country to be blanketed in snow well before Christmas, Global Warming.
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2007 » LET’S GO OUT AND PAINT THE WHOLE WORLD GREEN - A Tribute To The Riders
12-04-2007
 The final gun sounded. I looked up at the scoreboard just to make sure: Riders 23, Bombers 19. The Riders won the cup! After 18 years, we are number one! Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
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TOP STORY » NOT-THE-LIONS WIN GREY CUP
11-28-2007
TORONTO (SBP) – The streak is over!
After an 18 year championship dynasty by Not-The-Riders dating back to 1990, the Not-The-Lions defeated the Winnipeg Blue Bombers 23-19 to win the 95th Grey Cup Championship in front of a sell-out crowd of over 52,000 at Toronto's Roger's Centre.
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2007 » LIGHTS TURNED BACK ON IN SASKATCHEWAN
11-28-2007
 REGINA (SBP) – With the entire province vacated during Grey Cup celebrations in Toronto, life in Saskatchewan is slowly returning to normal as the first people returning from Toronto have turned on the lights.
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2007 » STAR-TYPE OF TORONTO NEWSPAPER ALMOST MAKES POSITIVE COMMENT ABOUT CFL
11-28-2007
 TORONTO (SBP) – One of Toronto's main newspapers was almost fined by the city during Grey Cup week when it made a comment that could be interpreted as "positive" about the Canadian Football League. A "Star-type" of Toronto publication, a cheap, tabloid-style newspaper with an unapologetic agenda of bringing the NFL to Toronto, nearly violated the city's strict law of bashing the faster, more exciting brand of football when the newspaper referred to the Grey Cup as being "sold out".
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TOP STORY » Gates of Hell Locked Shut: Riders beat Dirty Lions, advance to Grey Cup
11-20-2007
>  VANCOUVER (SBP) – With a gutsy performance in the western final, the Saskatchewan Roughriders not only advanced to the Grey Cup with a 26-17 win over the dirty BC Lions, they also slammed shut and locked the gates of hell. The locking of the gates of hell saves mankind from having to endure further injustice of watching another Grey Cup involving the dirtiest, most evil team in the CFL.
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2007 » Burris to Quarterback CBC Football Panel at Grey Cup
11-20-2007
 TORONTO (SBP) – Calgary Stampeder quarterback Henry Burris has been named the starting quarterback for the CFL on CBC football panel for the Grey Cup. Burris, who is the most valuable non-playoff player in the league right now, will be joining Daved Benefield, Greg Frers and Khari Jones, along with play-by-play man Mark Lee to watch the Not-The-Stampeders play the Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the 95th Grey Cup game.
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2007 » Union Leaders Doing Minimum Required Negotiations
11-20-2007
 REGINA (SBP) – While forcing their union brethren to walk the picket lines in freezing temperatures for $40 a day, leaders of the Provincial Union of Public Employees (PUPE) have been doing their best to fulfill the minimum requirements for negotiating a deal. The sticking point in the negotiations is having everyone treated like real-world employees who have monetary benefits tied to performance reviews.
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2007 » KARWACKI LOSES SEAT IN PUBLIC GALLERY IN LEGISLATURE
11-14-2007
 SASKATOON (SBP) – After a dismal showing in the 2007 provincial election, Saskatchewan Liberal Leader David Karwacki not only lost his Saskatoon Meewasin riding, but he also lost his public gallery seat in the Legislature. The loss of the public gallery seat is an even deeper blow to the fortunes for the beleaguered provincial party.
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2007 » EX-PREMIER ATTACKED BY WOLVES
11-14-2007
 SASKATOON (SBP) – During his concession speech after losing the election, outgoing Premier Lorne Calvert was unexpectedly attacked by the very wolves he cried about around-the-clock during the provincial election. The attack came as a shock to over 52% of the voting electorate who had ceased to believe him.
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TOP STORY » RIDER HOPE BEATS STAMPEDER FEAR
11-14-2007
REGINA (SBP) – With the hope of an entire province behind them, the Saskatchewan Roughriders defeated the Calgary Stampeders 26-24 in front of a sellout hometown crowd at Mosaic Stadium. The home playoff win – the first in 30 years – marked a contrast between a team ruled by fear versus a team ruled by hope.
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2007 » Grown Up No Longer Votes NDP
11-06-2007
 SASKATOON (SBP) -- Long time New Democratic Party supporter Arlan Brullochuk has decided that he no longer has the same views as the socialist party. The decision came about slowly as he matured from a young, know-it-all university student into a responsible adult. |
TOP STORY » New Rider Regime "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing"
11-06-2007
REGINA (SBP) – With a winning record and preparations being made for their first home playoff game in 19 years, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have struck fear in the province's citizens thanks to their new management. The new management – which was changed for the sake of change – have introduced a new concept to Rider fans; a new concept which is frightening new territory for the long suffering fans.
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2007 » Premier Finally Releases Bowels, Gets off the Pot
11-05-2007
 SASKATOON (SBP) – After almost 2 months of apparent constipation, the Saskatchewan Premier's office announced that the leader of the province finally evacuated his bowels yesterday and, subsequently, will be getting off the pot. The news comes as a relief to those where were waiting in line for use of the bathroom. |
2006 » Alberta Residents Celebrate "We're Not Saskatchewan" Day
02-21-2006
 ALBERTA (SBP) -- As with every third monday in February, residents of Alberta enjoyed a provincially sanctioned day off with pay in order to spend quality time with their families. Many of the residents, formerly Saskatchewanians, have more for which to be particulary thankful than just a paid day off in the middle of winter. |
2006 » Sask Premier Returns From "We Temporarily Love Americans" Tour
02-21-2006
 REGINA (SBP) - Claiming a successful and open dialogue with the hated Americans, Saskatchewan Premier Lorne Calvert returned from his recent tour of the United States to report that, although he temporarily showed affections for the neighboring country down south in order to get their money, he's back to hating them again now that he's back home. |
TOP STORY » McCallum Off To Wide-Left Coast
02-21-2006
VANCOUVER, BC (SBP) - Rumours abound that longtime Saskatchewan Roughrider kicker, Paul McCallum, has accepted a handshake offer with the British Columbia Lions and will be off to the wide-left coast within the month. McCallum, a loyal player who was also dedicated to the local community, had spent the past 12 years with Saskatchewan. Details of McCallum's departure apparently revolve around the team's offer of a pay cut to the veteran kicker.
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TOP STORY » Separatist Governor General Swears In New Prime Minister
02-08-2006
OTTAWA (SBP) -- In the day that officially ended the 12 year rule of the scandal-plagued Liberal party, Prime Minister Designate Stephen Harper was officially sworn in as Canada's 22nd Prime Minister by the country's seperatist Governer General, Michaëlle Jean.
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2006 » Dingwall Given Farewell Party, Large Novelty Cheque
02-08-2006
 OTTAWA (SBP) -- David Dingwall, former head of the Royal Canadian Mint, was given a royal send off from Parliament hill this week. The extravagant farewell party included Dingwall's acceptance of a large novelty cheque amounting to $417,780. The large payout is part of Dingwall's severance package for quitting his job. |
2006 » Largely Unknown Soccer Mom Wins Appointment To Conservative Cabinet
02-08-2006
 TORONTO (SBP) -- Using a radio-style catch phrase contest, Prime Minister Stephen Harper appointed largely unknown Toronto soccer mom Francine Chakovesky to his federal cabinet. The unelected Chakovesky will assume the role of Minster of The Centre of the Universe, which is a major cabinet position looking after all things Toronto. |
TOP STORY » 'Banana Repubic' Tourists Get Shocking Surprise
02-01-2006
NORTHERN SASKATCHEWAN (SBP) -- After hearing word that the northern part of Saskatchewan was referred to as a "Banana Republic", tourists around the world began flocking to the region thinking they would find carribbean-style resorts and endless beaches. Instead, they discovered the region to be a frozen Siberian forest much like the coldest parts of Russia.
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2006 » Groudhog Doesn't See Shadow, Packs Up And Moves To Alberta
02-01-2006
 BALGONIE (SBP) -- In a not so unfamiliar turn of events, Saskatchewan's famous groundhog, Balgonie Bob, followed the footsteps of so many Saskatchewanians by waking up, not getting scared of his shadow, and deciding to move to Alberta. The move comes a full 24 hours before the official Groundhog Day ceremonies. |
2006 » Unceremoniously Dumped Rider Elected To Hall Of Fame
02-01-2006
 HAMILTON (SBP) -- The Canadian Football League announced that hugely popular former Saskatchewan Roughrider, Bobby Jurasin, was among 5 new inductees to the Canadian Football Hall of Fame. Jurasin, who was unceremoniously dumped by the Riders late in his career and forced to play his last game in shame as a Toronto Argonaut, joins Matt Dunigan, Allen Pitts, and Henry (Gizmo) Williams, along with builder Victor Spencer, as the 2006 inductees. |
2006 » Women, Homosexuals Frantically Leaving Canada
01-25-2006
 TORONTO (SBP) -- With the newly elected Conservative government, terrified homosexuals around the country have been desperately packing up their belongings and getting the hell out of Canada for fear of reprisals from the new Canadian government for their sexual orientation. |
2006 » Green Party Only 203 More Elections Until Majority Rule
01-24-2006
 OTTAWA (SBP) -- At the current pace of advancement, the Green Party will become a majority government in about 203 elections from now. Taking an average of roughly 3 years between elections and the 0.2% growth with each election, it will be a mere 609 years before the Greens can use their party platform as a matter of majority influence. |
TOP STORY » Canadian Citizens Suddenly Relieved of All Their Rights
01-24-2006
EVERYWHERE (SBP) -- Mere moments after the election was officially declared a Conservative minority, women, children, homosexuals, and all ethnic minorities in Canada suddenly found themselves without basic human rights. This confirms the Liberal Party's warnings of what was to come if the Conservatives were elected.
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2006 » Canadian Citizens Suddenly Relieved of All Their Rights
01-24-2006
 EVERYWHERE (SBP) -- Mere moments after the election was officially declared a Conservative minority, women, children, homosexuals, and all ethnic minorities in Canada suddenly found themselves without basic human rights. This confirms the Liberal Party's warnings of what was to come if the Conservatives were elected. |
2006 » Communist Parties Blame Each Other For Vote Splitting
01-24-2006
 TORONTO, ON (SBP) - After failing to win a single seat nationally, both the Marxist-Leninist and Communist parties of Canada blamed each other for splitting the communist vote down the middle. The vote splitting was seen as costly as both parties felt they had a "pretty good shot" at ruling the capitalist country. |
2006 » Bloc Quebecois Win Zero Seats Outside Of Quebec
01-24-2006
 QUEBEC CITY, PQ (SBP) - Despite winning 51 seats in his home province, Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe was "extremely disappointed" in the party's poor showing in the rest of Canada where the party claimed a grand total of zero seats. |
2006 » Harper's Face Very Sore After 63 Days of Forced Smiles
01-23-2006
 TORONTO (SBP) -- According to party insiders, Conservative leader Stephen Harper will be undergoing physical therapy for his face immediately after the election on January 23, 2006. The normally stone-faced Harper has severly exhausted the 12 facial muscles it takes to create a zygomatic smile and will be requiring several weeks of rehabilitation once all the ballots are counted and he delivers his acceptance or consolation speech. |
2006 » Toronto Residents Assume Voting Position
01-22-2006
 TORONTO (SBP) -- In a tradition that has taken a strong hold of the region for the past 8 years, southern Ontarians will soon be placing their heads firmly up their ass and before placing their votes. In this world-renowned act of seeming physical impossibility, the easily frightened southern Ontario population is expected to reward the scandal plagued Liberal party. |
2006 » Paul Martin to Ban Americans from Canada
01-22-2006
 OTTAWA (SBP) -- In a crusade to appear tougher on crime, Liberal leader Paul Martin has announced that, should the Liberals win the election, his promise to ban handguns will also be extended to ban every American citizen from Canada. The announcement is expected to give Martin a huge jump in popularity in southern Ontario just hours before the final vote. |
2006 » Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Liberal Party
01-19-2006
 UNDISCLOSED LOCATION (SBP) - As if the scandal-plagued campaign was not enough for the federal Liberals, word has come out that Osama Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda operatives have claimed responsibility for the Canadian political party. The message was broadcast as part of Bin Laden's audio address that was released to the world this past thursday. |
