REGINA (SBP) — One week after the most devastating provincial election defeat in the network’s history, the CBC finally and lamentably removed their NDP campaign sign from their front lawn. The 30 foot high “Re-elect Dwain Lingenfelter” sign stood proudly at the entrance of the state funded media corporation from the very start of the 2011 provincial election.
“First, Stephen Harper gets elected. And, now this.” said a spokesperson as he fought back tears during a moment of silence by all the CBC reporters, “It appears that 1.1 billion dollars of taxpayer money doesn’t go as far as it used to. We will need to reaffirm and work harder so that the CBC’s best interests are represented in the public office as well as the media.
“This also obviously means we need more taxpayer money to accomplish this.”
The lawn sign — once deemed as the “Big Orange Crush of South Broad Street” — was then lovingly and carefully dismantled and put away for safe keeping. It will likely be stowed with other CBC cherished NDP memorabilia like Spudco pamphlets or Tommy Douglas’ master’s thesis on eugenics.
“We don’t know where things went awry,” said a CBC reporter, “We knew going into the election that we had an uphill battle. But, we really did pull out all the stops. We always knew we were one scandal away from victory. We just didn’t have the window of opportunity.”
Added another CBC reporter: “We tried to make viewers feel shallow for going with the more ‘popular’ candidate. I mean, really, who the hell votes based on popularity?”
The CBC also was forced into a corner when the NDP spliced together a radio ad of two different quotes 11 minutes apart.
“Who knew that it would get found out? What are the odds?” said the CBC, “We had a really hard time ignoring that one and reluctantly had to say something. And, it still didn’t work out in our favor!
“We’re as shocked and saddened as you are that we didn’t win.”
CBC Saskatchewan plans on several tactics to combat the rise of the evil Saskatchewan Party in recent years. Among the usual tactics like selective reporting and news anchor eye rolling whenever the Sask Party is mentioned, CBC Sask also plans on running the historically inaccurate “Prairie Giant: The Tommy Douglas Story” on a round-the-clock basis.
“Yes, it’s been determined that the mini series was historically inaccurate, we know! And, we’re not supposed to air it anymore.” said a CBC producer, “But, facts don’t really matter when you’re looking out for the public purse…er, the public good.”
CBC Saskatchewan does plan on assuming the role as official opposition for the next four years in the absence of any real opposition in the legislature.
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