Archive for October, 2011

Roughriders Unveil “Dress Like An Empty Seat” Promotion For Final Home Game

REGINA (SBP) — Coming off one of their least successful campaigns in recent memory, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have announced a promotion to best sum up the 2011 season; “Dress like an Empty Seat” day will take place this Saturday when they take on the Hamilton Tiger Cats. Full Story »

Lingenfelter Falls Off Unstable Platform

REGINA (SBP) — In an unfortunate turn of events, Provincial NDP leader Dwain Lingenfelter sustained a hairline fracture on his ankle after falling off an unstable platform. The injury, which occurred during the leader’s debate, may keep the opposition leader out of action for the remainder of the election season.

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Internet Search For “Rider Offence” Turns Up Zero Results

WORLD WIDE WEB (SBP) — Search engines around the internet were alarmed about data loss this week when queries for “Rider Offence” would go through their massive database of materials going back over a decade and return no results. It could not be readily explained why the usually reliable search engines and their advanced technology could not produce a single valid result. Full Story »

Job Fair Quickly Scatters “Occupy” Protesters

SASKATOON (SBP) — Screams of utter terror resonated throughout the streets of Saskatoon last weekend after a heartless group of individuals broke up the “Occupy Saskatoon” protest by offering the protesters jobs. The impromptu job fair quickly dispersed 99% of the protesters while 1% stayed to listen to the potential career opportunities. Full Story »

Rider Share Value Plummets

Riderville (SBP) — With quarterly reports of victories coming in much lower than expected, the value of Rider Shares have plummeted to an all time low. The rapid decline in the value has sent shareholders scrambling to decide what to do with the shares. Full Story »

Provincial NDP To Go On Strike During Election Campaign

REGINA (SBP) — After seeing their polling numbers dip below 30% for the first time in the party’s history, the Saskatchewan NDP are planning a wildcat strike of all current MLA’s and staffers as a strategy to win the upcoming provincial election. The job action is meant to send a message to the voting public of what they will lose if they don’t vote NDP. Full Story »

Public Union’s Scary Campfire Stories Big Hit Over Summer

SUMMER CAMP (SBP) — “…and he said to her, the call is coming from Brad Wall and he’s inside your house!” said the Union leader as he raised his hands as claws and lunged at the children. The campfire billowed angrily in the wind and added to the effect. The children screamed, covered themselves in their blankets and, after a few moments of absolute terror, they laughed the laugh of children who have just gotten off a roller coaster ride. Full Story »