Area Punks Forced to Cancel Snowball Fight

ESTEVAN (SBP) – The global affects of El Nino and La Nina have found their latest target when area punks were forced to cancel last Monday’s scheduled snowball fight between rival communities Weyburn and Estevan. The reason given was the fact that there hasn’t been any snow.

“Aw man!” commented Quentin Tucker, an 8th grader from the Estevan Public School, “I was really looking forward to laying the smack down on some of those punk-asses!”

In a rivalry that has dated back decades, Estevan and Weyburn have engaged in numerous rivalries which involve hockey, slow pitch, curling, local economy, girl stealing, and snowball fighting.

“Yeah!” cheered Weyburn 6th grader Amanda Fuller, “We kick their butts every year!”

The two communities could not be more suited for antagonistic lore; Estevan has money, Weyburn does not; Estevan is big, Weyburn is small; Estevan is home of maligned former Premier Grant Devine, Weyburn never had anyone who could afford to buy an election. In essence, Weyburn is David and Estevan is Goliath.

This year’s mild winter has forced the annual clash to take a back seat to reminiscing old dudes.

“I remember way back in the winter of ’92,” mused second-year university student Barry Price, “that was a battle to remember. There were these smart-ass pukes that packed snowballs with ice from their refrigerator. They threw the ice balls at me as hard as they could and I caught them with my bare hands! Boy did they look.”

Price went on to say how he managed to whip the snowball back at his attackers despite four broken fingers in his right hand.

“That really showed ‘em!” Price laughed as he slapped his knee with the disfigured hand.

The annual carnage has had its share of cheating from ice balls to imbedded rocks. And, depending on who is asked, each community claims victory for every year the snowball fight has taken place.

“I don’ remember a dang year when we ever came close to losin!” retorted Estevan old timer Morton Beezwick, “We took em down every — I said every — yar!”

Beezwick then displayed his numerous souveniers of the battles by showing scarred arms, legs, and a crooked nose.

“The rest I can’t show in mixed company.” Beezwick laughed.

The weather forecast for the rest of the month is mild with light precipitation. It is not expected that there will be enough snow to stage the battle for at least 30 more days. Children from both communities are “praying and hoping” that, someday, they will be able to slaughter and maim their bitter rivals from down the road.