HOLLYWOOD, CA (SBP) — After a string of web awards and special recognition, satirical ezine Saskabush failed to win a coveted Oscar award this past Sunday in Hollywood, California.

“What the hell was that?” asked the pissed off Editor of Saskabush, “Here I was, glued to the TV set with my popcorn and icy cold coca cola, waiting to see if we was going to win an award.”

But none was forthcoming as artsy flick American Beauty won 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture. Other winners included much more deserving sci-fi flick The Matrix which took home 4. As mentioned, Saskabush won a grand total of zero Oscars.

“Still,” said the Editor, “we should have gotten something for not producing a film, don’t you think? I mean, I bust my ass week in, week out and I don’t even get a stinking nomination. It just seems like I’m doing this for nothing.”

Saskabush has 6 web based awards to its credit and was seeking a coveted Oscar for the non-existent “Best Performance on a Web Site” category. It was also seeking awards in other non-existent categories such as “Best Web Site Script”, “Online Art Direction”, and “Photo Manipulation and File Optimization”. In every non-existent category, Saskabush lost out to no other competitors.

“I guess I should have figured we weren’t even nominated when I didn’t receive an invitation to the awards ceremony,” explained the forlorn Editor, “I guess I was just holding out and hoping for the best.”

When asked if there were any hard feelings toward the Academy, the Editor was amiable and surprisingly calm.

“I guess I’m just the eternal optimist,” responded the Editor, “and I’m not bitter towards those sons-a-bitches at the Academy either. Sure, I wouldn’t feel too bad if the people of the Academy all burned in eternal hellfire for awhile but I feel absolutely no bitterness toward them at all. No, really, I don’t!”

The Editor did provide some conspiracy theories to back up why Saskabush was snubbed at the Oscars:

“It’s because the site is Canadian,” offered the Editor, “You saw them. One of the nominated songs was called ‘Blame Canada’ and (Canadian Actor) Jim Carey wasn’t even given any consideration for his outstanding performance in Man on the Moon.

“What chance does Saskabush have if they don’t make it?” finished the Editor, “Next to none, I tells ya! I’m Canadian and the rest of the world hates me for it. That’s just how the world works.”

The Editor then slumped his shoulders as he sauntered away sadly. Somewhere, the mournful cry of a mockingbird could be heard in the distance.

Despite the international snubbing, the Editor of Saskabush still holds out hope for next year’s Oscars and will stop at nothing short of blackmail and bribery to get the nomination for the non-existent categories.

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