Saskatchewan Fails Bid To Host Olympics

REGINA (SBP) – Standing in front of a big screen TV at a local bar, members of the Saskatchewan Olympic Bid Committee (SOBC) were stunned to discover they did not make the short list for the 2008 summer Olympics.

“We’re devastated, yes, but we respect the decision,” said Chairperson Bev MacRae of the SOBC, “all of our efforts seem to have gone for not.”

Apparently, the SOBC’s $37 campaign of sending a home video via expresspost wasn’t enough to sway the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to choose Saskatchewan as the host for the prestigious games.

“We admire their economy-style bid,” commented an IOC member, “especially since the average bid costs around 11 million dollars to produce.”

The video, featuring all 3 members of the SOBC, quickly ran through all the benefits of hosting the Summer Games in Saskatchewan. The arguments used were the enormous supply of volunteers due to high unemployment and the fact that “you can trash the place and next-to no one will know or care!”

All arguments seemed convincing until the members of the IOC checked into vital elements such as health care facilities and transportation for the athletes and tourists.

“Mon Dieu!” gasped one IOC member, “they have bare bone skeleton crews in the hospitals! And, don’t get me started on the condition of the roads!”

“That place reminded me of Sarejevo…a couple of years after they held the winter Olympics!”

The comparison was not exactly fair as Sarajevo’s bomb-shelled and bullet-ridden roads remain drivable to this day where Saskatchewan had to rely on vigilante thugs to repair the neglected highways [ related story to be posted later – ED ].

Besides the lack of facilities, the SOBC had many other factors play against them as well.

“First of all,” said one IOC member, “the only tangible benefit we received were two tickets to something called a ‘Roughrider Game’. Like, what the hell is that?”

There was a long list of other “non-benefits” which displeased the IOC members.

“We considered their perks an absolute slap in the face!” snapped an IOC member, “There were no free hookers, no free drugs, and no lavish nights on the town. My children were only offered free tuition at their choice of a thing called the University of Regina or the University of Saskatoon.”

“I’ve never heard of those places.” raged the pampered IOC member, “What are they? Summer camps or something?”

Despite the outright rejection from the IOC, the Saskatchewan Bid Committee was not discouraged.

“Yeah, they called us no good hicks in a nowhere land,” said MacRae, “Yeah, they also said we’re not (1988 Olympic City) Calgary and that anyone who lives here should be pitied. Yeah, they said our bid was an utter and complete waste of time…”

“But, if you forget about all that,” MacRae brightened up as she finished, “I think our bid was well received.”

The SOBC plans to blindly go ahead and bid for the 2012 Summer Olympic games despite the IOC’s stern threats which include stopping the supply of Nike paraphernalia to the province.