TORONTO (SBP) — Flummoxed with what to do to prevent future undesirable election results, the CBC has decided to issue an apology to the three political parties it shamelessly promoted during the 2011 election; The Liberal, NDP and Green Party.

“We don’t know what else we could have done,” explained a CBC reporter as she proudly wore a Liberal party button, “We had Terry Milewski pontificate on how creepy the Prime Minister is instead of asking questions.  We even developed an online Vote Compass that — no matter what — said you were a Liberal voter.”

As the unfathomable federal election results came in, the CBC’s unbelieving maws hinged agape.  Despite their tireless efforts to attack the minutia of their opposition and, despite the perpetual campaigning for their causes, CBC reporter’s hearts were filled with consternation in the aftermath.

As a result of their collective failure, the state broadcaster called a news conference to officially apologize to the Liberal, NDP, and Green Party.

“Our brethren, our confidants, our comrades; please accept our deepest, most heart-felt apologies,” said the CBC President, lips quivering, in a televised prime time address, “Despite our best, most concerted efforts, the enemy of every freedom in this country has thwarted us this dark day.  We have failed you and now must endure the wrath of a ruthless, misogynistic, sexist, racist, creepy, controlling, dictator who is a crazy, war mongering lunatic.”

The address, which cut short the pregame show on “Hockey Vote Liberal Night In Canada”, was meant as an explanation as to why they failed to get the Liberal party in power for the third straight election.

“We tried.  We really really tried!” said the CBC president, “For some reason, the Canadian public just isn’t becoming normalized to our consistent message of voting Liberal or, failing that, some variant of Marxist ideology.”

The CBC president went on to list “individual opinion”, “freedom of information”, and some strange concept called “Critical Thinking” as additional reasons why their campaign failed.

“One billion taxpayer dollars a year just doesn’t buy the influence it used to. We are very, very sorry.”

There is no word yet on whether the Liberals, NDP, or Green Parties have accepted the apology as it is likely that, like most Canadians, they don’t watch the CBC anymore either.

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