Queen’s Jubilee Marks 50 Years Of Drinking Tea, Dedicating Things

BUCKINGHAM PALACE, UK (SBP) – It’s hard to believe but Queen Elizabeth has managed to celebrate 50 years as the British Monarch. The billionaire royal, who is also Canada’s head of state, credited her longevity in pseudo power to “endless” hard work and “inexhaustible” dedication.

“Being Royalty has been the most difficult job of my arduous life,” commented the Queen as she sipped on some special tea while watching a polo match, “I would not wish this job on anyone.”

The British monarchy, long stripped of any relevant political power, have continued to be the benchmark of hard working individuals. Much of the Queen’s accomplishments include traveling the world, staying in posh hotels and dedicating buildings, ships and parks while delivering the odd short speech denouncing or praising something. All while being adored by legions of fans and protected by expensive armed guards.

Other Notable Accomplishments Include:

1926 – Born, becomes instant millionaire

1953 – Becomes Queen by acclamation

1967 – Appears on Canadian currency

1967 – Requests more money from British Government…and gets it

1980 – Becomes multi-billionaire

1989 – Watches television as Berlin Wall comes down, wishes she had something to do with it.

1990 – Gets 2.9 million dollar raise just for the hell of it

1997 – Gives grudging, half hearted speech about Princess Diana’s death

2002 – Becomes grandmother to dope smoking, binge drinking grandson

“It’s a life of servitude to others,” said the Queen, “I do nothing but give to the public. It’s a life of martyrdom if you will.”

The Queen then asked one of her many servants for some more crumpets as well as getting another to give her seat pillow a “light fluff”.

“I must say I’ve not complained about this job much,” continued her Royal Highness, “Even though my tea can get chilled, the crumpets a little too dry, and the millions of dollars from the commonwealth a few days late, I am a person who is willing to overlook the shortcomings of my job and focus on the positive.”

Meanwhile, followers of the Royal Family collectively soiled their trousers at the thought of the Queen reaching the half-century mark of pseudo monarch rule.

“Queen Elizabeth worked so hard just to get born into the Royal Family,” said an adoring onlooker of Her Royal Highness, “She worked even harder to become Queen by acclamation. She’s the only one in the past 50 years who can say they accomplished that.”

Other royal watchers agreed.

“It’s a warm feeling to have seen the Queen acquire such wealth by default over this past half century,” said monarchist Myrna Adams with a gleaming tear in her eye, “I’ve been there from the beginning in 1952 and watched her turn multi-millions or taxpayer dollars into multi-billions of taxpayer dollars simply by traveling around the world and cutting ribbons in dedication ceremonies.

“It’s the kind of life and work ethic to which all of us should aspire.”

Royal onlookers plan to celebrate the Queen’s 50th anniversary by leaving flowers on the front gates of Buckingham palace. Commonwealth citizens also plan to support the Queen’s reign by paying their taxes on time.