McCallum Off To Wide-Left Coast

VANCOUVER, BC (SBP) – Rumours abound that longtime Saskatchewan Roughrider kicker, Paul McCallum, has accepted a handshake offer with the British Columbia Lions and will be off to the wide-left coast within the month.  McCallum, a loyal player who was also dedicated to the local community, had spent the past 12 years with Saskatchewan.  Details of McCallum’s departure apparently revolve around the team’s offer of a pay cut to the veteran kicker.

Fans reaction to the news was mixed.

“Wow, what a brilliant move by the Rider GM to let him go!” said longtime Rider fan Marcia Polonesky, “There’s such a surplus of kicking talent out there right now so it’s not like the position won’t be filled adequately by someone off the street.

“Look at the BC Lions last year.  They had adequate kicking, didn’t they?  Isn’t that why they went after McCallum?  To have even more depth at the kicking position?”

Other fans were utterly dismayed.

“What are we going to do with this truckload of manure now?” bemoaned a zealous Rider fan, “Now that the Riders are bringing in a new kicker, we’ll have to find out where they live in order to dump this stuff on his neighbor’s lawn.”

The zealous fan continued:  “And, it’s not like this new kicker is going to have his home openly listed for us to find easily him.  It’s going to take work to do that now!  We’re sure this new kicker isn’t going to be as trusting for some reason.  We don’t know exactly why the new kicker won’t trust us fans but that’s just a feeling we have.”

“This is truly a sad day in Rider-ville.”

McCallum joins many former Riders including Ron Lancaster, Kent Austin, Jeff Fairholm, Dave Ridgeway and recent hall of famer Bobby Jurasin of community dedicated players who met with unceremonious ends with the team.  Thus, continuing a long and proud tradition by the football organization of dishonouring former players.

Even though McCallum is a native of British Columbia, he will have to go through an adjustment period with the Lions.  His new duties will include the exhaustive task of kicking many more extra points than field goals, learning how to deal with the pressures of an actual home playoff game, and always being a contender for the Grey Cup.