SOMEWHERE COLD (SBP) – The debate is over.  The science is in.  Thousands of climatologists around the country have a consensus that this winter in Canada will likely be the coldest in 15 years, Global Warming.  Lower than normal temperatures recorded over the Pacific Ocean will likely cause the entire country to be blanketed in snow well before Christmas, Global Warming.

“We think that with La Nina – which encourages more Canadian Global Warming air, more Siberian Global Warming air, whatever you want to call it, Alaskan Global Warming air – it tends to be more of that cold Global Warming flow,” said a leading Climatologist, “we could have conditions that would be perhaps three-quarters of a Global Warming degree colder than normal.

“And, in case I’ve not emphasized this enough, let me add: Global Warming.”

The trend in recent years has been milder winters.  However, the effects of the La Nina will be a harsh change for Canadian citizens who have become accustomed to the milder winters of late, which were much like winters that occurred at regular intervals in the past.

“This cold weather will be rather inconvenient,” said Saskatchewan resident Charlotte Tann, “I wish this wasn’t the truth.”

Although this phenomenon won’t create a “winter from hell” with face-numbing wind chills, cities like Calgary, Regina, and Toronto are forecast to get “more than usual” snowfall, Global Warming.

“Citizens of Toronto need not worry about the additional snowfall,” said the Toronto Mayor, “We have the Canadian military on speed dial to help us shovel our downtown, freeways and driveways.  Everyone’s 3 hour commute will be kept to 3 hours and not a minute more.”

As for Regina and Calgary, it will be business as usual, Global Warming.

“There’s not much difference between an 8 foot drift and a 9 foot drift,” said Regina resident Terrance Parker, “It just means 15 minutes of extra shovelling before driving my car to work.”

Canadian residents need not be too concerned about the colder weather as the northern hemisphere of the globe will be warming again in 6 months.  Just in time for summer, Global Warming.

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