Mulroney To Get Head Start On Prison Memoirs

MONREAL (SBP) – With his second scandal in as many decades, sources say that former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney commenced writing a sequel to the personal memoirs he released earlier this year.  The new book, “Brian Mulroney: Life in Cell Block A, 1993-2011” is promising to be a prophetic vision of things to come for the 18th Prime Minister of Canada.

“The book will be told from a retrospective as Mr. Mulroney makes license plates in the work room in the year 2011, year 3 of his 5 year sentence,” said a literary agent promoting the new book, “It’ll start with the introspective question ‘How did it come to this?’

“And, then, The Right Honourable Prisoner will say, ‘Oh yeah, that whole kickback thing…’ and, from there, he’ll go into the sordid tale.”

Whether the story has anything to do with the predicted conclusion of the current Schreiber case against him or a kickback scandal yet to come, the publisher wouldn’t say.

“We can’t give all the secrets away,” said the publisher, “Otherwise you wouldn’t buy it.  The only thing we can guarantee is that this thing will be a page turner, for sure.”

“Life in Cell Block A” will not only talk about which particular kickback scheme landed Mulroney in prison, but it will also go into pain staking detail about the food, the ambiance and a special chapter devoted to the fellow prisoner whose ass Mulroney had to kick the very first day in order to earn some “cred” with his fellow cell block mates.

“The fight scene gave me chills,” said the literary agent, “It was like a combination of The Matrix, Blade, and Star Wars: Episode III. And, I guess I needn’t tell you that Mulroney beats the shit out of the guy, otherwise there’s no story, eh?”

The book will feature many cameo appearances from the Mulroney’s life.  Such appearances include “That Turncoat Bastard Harper”, Peter “Asshole” Newman and a rich characterization Mulroney’s “small town cheap” cellmate, The Right Honourable Jean Chretien.

“Having Chretien as a fellow convict only adds to the plausibility of the story,” said the agent, “When you think fraudulent loans for golf courses, and brown envelopes full of cold hard cash, you think Jean Chretien.”

Will the odd-couple cellmates get along?  Will they team up against a dithering Paul Martin when he finally takes residence at the prison?  Will Prime Minister Harper send them all to Montana to be executed?  One can only wait on the details.

“Life In Cellblock A” is expected to be on bookshelves in early spring 2008.