2010 Olympic Games to be Replayed Entirely In French

VANCOUVER (SBP) – In the wake of criticism of the limited use of french in the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games, the Canadian Government announced that they will be securing funding to replay the event entirely in french.  The additional 2 weeks of a separate french-only Olympic competition is unprecedented in the history of the event.  The move is meant to serve as an olive branch of appeasement to Quebec nationalists who have never, ever shat on anything relating to Canada in the past. 
“We would like to invite the world to stay an extra 2 weeks in beautiful Vancouver on us,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper through a translator, “Please, please re-compete like you did for the past 2 weeks but, we have only one request of all of you with your various cultures and languages; please do so in french only.”
The separate french-only Olympics will officially be known as the “Vive Le Quebec Libr’Olympiques” and comes on the heels of criticism levied by Quebec nationalists after the opening ceremonies didn’t exclusively feature Quebec artists and personalities.  The additional 2 weeks of separate french-only competition will cost around 9 billion dollars but is seen as “well worth it” by the rest of Canada who are not used to this type of whining, bitching and complaining.
“Wow, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of high profile Quebecers whining, bitching and complaining about not being included in the rest of Canada.” said a Vancouver resident, “Yes, by all means, we should have these separate games.  We should make them happy since this is the first time they’ve ever been offended in the entire history of Canada.”
Olympic athletes from around the world didn’t seem to mind that Canada was picking up the bill for an extra two weeks in Vancouver.
Said a Russian hockey player who spoke on the condition of anonymity: “Yes, we don’t mind getting our asses handed to us in both English and, again, in French.”
Funding for the Vive Le Quebec Libr’Olympiques will be unveiled in the upcoming federal budget.  The minority Conservative government is said to be fully preparing to follow the lead of all previous ruling governments by not letting the the 9 billion dollar price tag affect Quebec’s annual equalization payments.
“I am so relieved that this doesn’t affect Quebec’s funding,” said Alberta resident Sarah Hartmen, “The rest of Canada would be lost if they didn’t have the privilege of giving them 8.3 billion dollars every year.  That’s barely 4 times more than the next closest province gets.  Barely!
“Those poor, poor souls.  May the healing process begin.”
Quebec’s premier was quick to respond to the offer of having a separate, french-only Olympic games.
“While we would have preferred that the Vive Le Quebec Libr’Olympiques be before the international Olympics and even replace any type of Olympics held in Canada, this will have to do.  This time.” said the Quebec Premier, “Hopefully this is the only time we will ever be required to whine, bitch, and complain about such things.”
The separate, french-only Vive Le Quebec Libr’Olympiques will be held in Vancouver from March 1-14, 2010.