Federal Budget Forgets About Cable TV Bill

OTTAWA (SBP) – The minority Conservative Government suffered an embarrassing omission in it’s annual federal budget when finance minister Joe Flaherty forgot to include the House of Commons’ monthly cable TV bill. The unfortunate omission will mean that the federal budget will have to be adjusted to accommodate the extra expense.

“Well, shi…shucks,” said Flaherty as he held the monthly bill in his hands, “You know, I had all the bills laid out on the kitchen table and I went through them one by one. I must have accidentally thrown it on the ‘out’ pile. I can’t believe I totally forgot about this one.”

While Flaherty did include all the regular utilities in the budget, the cable TV bill is the most visible and egregious error. While most people in the House of Commons wouldn’t readily notice things like heat and water, they do notice such things as access to their shows.

“I went to watch my daily news on Channel One’s Vremya,” said Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff, “And to my abject horror, I saw it was temporarily unavailable. I first thought it was a poor satellite signal. But, as I sat and waited, that message of ‘signal unavailable’ kept staring at me, mocking me like Canadian hockey fans did weeks ago.”

Ignatieff was referring to the men’s Olympic gold medal hockey game in Vancouver (See Related Story).

Such mistakes like Flaherty’s brought about the customary calls for resignation.

“Mr. Speaker, in this recession, over 500,000 Canadians cannot pay their cable TV bills,” said perpetually outraged federal NDP leader, Jack Layton, “That means there are over half a million Canadians out there who cannot experience the valuable programming that Al Jazeera offers. Mr. Flaherty’s incompetence should – nay, MUST – be punished.”

Finished Layton: “Mr. Flaherty, this is not your cable TV, it is the people’s cable TV!”

Layton then attempted to introduce a private members bill to bring about a socialized TV network. He was then reminded that the CBC already exists.

“I stand corrected, Mr. Speaker,” said Layton, “While I and the rest of Canada hardly watch the CBC, where else would Canada get its Governor Generals?”

Meanwhile, the reporters at the CBC were more than understanding at Flaherty’s oversight.

“This is clearly an attempt by the Harper government to silence the media and set up Nazi-style concentration camps in every city of every province and territory,” said a CBC reporter, “Nobody I know ever forgets to pay a bill. Flaherty’s glaring omission frightens me and we’ll be sure to drag this sensational story out over a period of weeks.”

Flaherty did get the cable TV matter resolved at the end of the day with a quick phone call. Prime Minister Harper then called for all the leaders of the respective parties to join him in the den for an episode of “Judge Judy”. This would allow everyone to learn new and exciting debate tactics to use during Question Period.