Residents Urged To Prepare For Bublé Virus

SASKATOON (SBP) – The Health Region of Saskatoon has sent out a general warning to area residents to be on the alert for a debilitating virus.  Known as the “Bublé Virus”, it is said to mostly affect hospital staff or those who provide medical support.  Local hospitals are expected to be running virtual skeleton crews when the virus fully takes hold on August 14th of this year.
“We just wanted to remind the citizens of Saskatoon to be extra careful on the evening of August 14 because we are projecting a hightened threat of the Bublé virus.” said Eric Montebank, middle manager of the Health Region, who was on call while the entire executive were on sick leave.  The executive are reportedly suffering from the common “WestJet seat sale to Puerto Vallarta” cold.
“It’s not often that we can determine a serious flu bug warning, but we are very certain that the air borne Bublé virus will strike the city,” said Montebank, “Don’t question us how we know.  We just know.”
Viral warnings are commonplace in Saskatoon.  Public alerts were issued in November 2006 and again on November 10th, 2009.  Both of those dates saw a critical shortage of hospital staff who were inflicted with anything from the “Vanier Cup” cold to other “Kiss concert” afflictions.
“Those were rather unfortunate times,” said Montebank, “That Vanier Cup cold was something that caught us off guard.  Thankfully, we were better prepared when the Kiss Concert Virus arrived in the city in late 2009.”
Known as “Event Strain” viruses, the Vanier Cup, Kiss Concert and  Bublé strains seem to target hospital staff.  They are also known to greatly affect Crown Corporation employees and any other form of unionized staff.
“We really can’t explain it,” said Montebank, “It just seems to target a certain entitlement-driven and heavily protected demographic.  You know, like that 1918 flu which seemed to only go after young people.  Yeah, that makes sense now…doesn’t it?”
While the hospitals in Saskatoon are expected to be virtually bereft of staff on August 14th, area residents can expect roughly the same service they had in the past.  Wait times in emergency should only increase to a mere 16 hours as opposed to the normal 5 hours.
“Things should be okay,” said Montebank, “I’m sure our level of care will still be as high as Regina’s.  Where, you know, a 73 year old cancer patient can walk into a hospital under his own steam, go in for a scheduled ‘routine’ procedure, and leave in a hearse 30 hours later.
“But, that is just a random, hypothetical example I use for absolutely no reason.”
Those not working in the public service are, once again, likely going to be immune from the  Bublé virus.  Medical scientists are studying the effects of the “Event Strain” of viruses and why they seem to single out only those poor souls who have the backing of a powerful union.
In unrelated news, the Credit Union Centre at Saskatchwan Place announced that Canadian crooner Michael Bublé will be performing there on August 14th.