Riders Bring Back Memories With Retro Losing Streak

Regina (SBP) — Making the most of their centennial anniversary season, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have given fans a treat of yesteryear by losing 4 games in a row. The month long slump is part of the teams “Retro Month” where fans are encouraged to focus on the 11 year span in the 1970s and 80s where the team failed to make the playoffs.

“Even though I wasn’t even born during that time, it is truly an honour to help fans relive such a prominent part of Roughrider history,” said a Rider kick returner as he practiced fumbling kicks, “You really can feel the ghosts of mediocrity of days gone by.”

Fans have gotten into the spirit of the promotion as well.

“I remember when my dad would take me to games and watch the Riders get soundly beat,” reminisced a fan, “I remember how he’d blaspheme, drop f-bombs, and throw his 50-50 tickets in disgust every game. Then we’d go for ice cream after and I’d listen to him bitch about how the Riders are never, ever going to win a Grey Cup in his lifetime. Ever. Oh, and why the hell did he bother to come to games in the first damned place.

“You really can’t recreate memories like that. Well, not until now, that is.”

During the month long drought, the Roughriders have done their utmost best to recreate the despondent feeling fans had in the late 70s and 80s. Whether it be fumbled kickoffs, untimely interceptions or just plain acting like they had their heads up their collective asses, the Roughriders have brought back those 11 playoff-free years with an excruciating attention to detail.

Other fans were also reminded of another dry spell the team went through during the late 1990s.

“Ah, yes, the thug and gangsta era,” said a fan as he smiled just thinking about it, “What a time to be alive! We had a ‘medically addicted’ quarterback who would create at least four turnovers before the first half. People would be yelling for the 50-50 draw to be called earlier and earlier just so they could go home at a decent hour.

“Back in those days, when you boo-ed a team off the field, it really meant something deep down inside. They don’t make shitty teams like that anymore. Nope, no sir.”

The football club will be concluding the retro month with an unveiling of a special logo for the final home game against Edmonton this Saturday. The logo is indicative of the infamous 11 year drought with an “L” encircled by wheat.

“We figured, what the hell, the fans have been buying anything with a Rider logo on it this year, why not something that reminds them of a time when a win was something that happened only once in awhile,” said a marketing assistant, “I mean, we don’t have a heck of a lot of success to draw from. There’s only three championships in a hundred years. You start to run out of positive things to say after a day or so.”

Fans are reminded that, should the Riders decide to extend the retro promotion with a loss against Edmonton this Saturday, VHS tapes of the 1989 Grey Cup are still sitting on someone’s bookshelf somewhere, just waiting to be viewed.

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