Eskimo Fans Remind Everyone Of Consecutive Championships From 30 Years Ago

EDMONTON (SBP) – Legend has it that an elephant never forgets. Well, those lumbering mammals have nothing on Edmonton Eskimo fans.

“You call this playoff football?” said Eskimo fan Jeffrey Ruban as he watched the 2010 CFL playoffs, “Any of these teams would be getting their asses handed to them by Warren Moon, Jim Germany and Brian Kelly!

“Five championships in a row, baby! Nobody’s topped that! Woo!”

Having their beloved Eskimos eliminated from playoff contention for the third time in five years, Edmonton fans have had to resort to fond memories from days gone by. The most notable for Eskimo fans are the five consecutive Grey Cups the team won from 1978 to 1982. The accomplishment, approaching three decades in the past, is still shoved down the throats of other CFL fans for them to cower and worship at the almighty Eskimo altar.

“Oh yeah! James ‘Quick’ Parker, Dave Cutler and Tom Wilkinson; now THOSE were players!” said another Eskimo fan as he embraced a dog-eared, rustic copy of the CFL’s facts and figures, “See here? Five Grey Cups in a row! Five! Even though I wasn’t born at that time, look at how great my team is! Woo!”

Thirty years ago was a weird and wonderful time in the world. Back then, global warming was called “global cooling” and a young fruit fly scientist named David Suzuki was warning us that the world was headed towards an ice age. In 1979, snow fell in the Saraha desert for 30 minutes, seeming to prove such a theory. The Commodore 64 was launched and seen as the future of computing. A charismatic preacher named Jim Jones invented a new way to serve Kool Aid. Also, Canada Day was referred to as “Dominion Day”.

And, of course, the Edmonton Eskimos won five Grey Cups in a row.

“Ohhhh yeah! I’ve seen all the highlights on ESPN Classic!” said Edmonton high school student Dilbert Wiebe, “I didn’t even know Ottawa had a team back in 1981 but…yeah! In your face Ottawa! Eskies RULE! The rest of the league drools!”

Other CFL fans weighed in on the phenomena known as “eskus fannatica de assholicus”.

“Eskimo fans may not have the best team this year, but they sure have good memories of when they did…thirty years ago,” said Saskatchewan Roughrider fan Ima Champion, “Happy memories, Edmonton!”

There is one saving grace when it comes to Edmonton Eskimo fans; while they may be monumentally obnoxious, it is said they are not as obnoxious as Edmonton Oiler fans.

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