Rider Ritalin Now Available For Rider Playoff Games

YOUR LOCAL PHARMACY (SBP) – Following a thrilling double overtime playoff victory, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have partnered with an area pharmacy to market a special brand of Ritalin. Rider Ritalin will be available for fans who fear they may become hyperactive during the upcoming western final against Calgary.

Fans have embraced the new product as a much needed idea.

“This is so much better than the days when the play of the Riders would drive me to drinking,” said Rider fan Nick Hunter.

In the past, other fans have been known to take uppers or hallucinogens in order to endure Rider seasons. The Riders themselves had a medically addicted quarterback in the 1990s who would skip out on flights to road games in order to avoid painful defeats. But, not in the past 8 years as Saskatchewan has made the western final 6 times with 2 Grey Cup appearances and one championship.

“Having a drug to deal with Roughrider success was long overdue,” said a Marketing Representative, “We didn’t think we’d string together 8 straight competitive years. But, as we compiled more and more success, the need for a drug to deal with the nail-biting outcomes like this past weekend has been paramount.

“With high expectations, comes the inevitable anxiety.”

The exciting 41-38 double overtime win over the BC Lions drew a record 3.3 million television viewers on the weekend. Considering that large markets like Vancouver and Toronto have next to no fan support, it is estimated that 3.2 million of those viewers were Rider fans.

“There is obviously a large market for Rider Ritalin,” said the Marketing Rep, “It’s just another product that we can slap our logo on and sell, sell, sell!”

While the Roughriders had a surplus of uppers and hallucinogens from their lean years, fans of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, Calgary Flames and Toronto Maple Leafs have proven to be an emerging market for depressed and success-starved fans.

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