Parliamentary Page Upstages Stanley Cup Presentation |
VANCOUVER (SBP) — In her continuing mission to inspire citizens to take back Canada from it’s elected dictatorial oppressors, the Parliamentary Page known as “Precious Snowflake” held up a sign during the Stanley Cup Presentation to “Stop Hockey”.
“There is, you know, nothing more oppressive and, um, dictatorial than a male dominated sport like, you know, hockey and junk,” said Snowflake, who has yet to be tortured and mutilated by the Canadian Government (Related Story), “We need, you know, like, Arab Spring and whatever.
“Did you know there is no hockey in Arabiastan? Canada should be like, you know, that and stuff.”
Snowflake, who holds a Bachelor of Indoctrination at the University or Ottawa, came out of hiding for this publicity stunt to promote her stage play, “Look At Me, Me, Me, and…ME!” The autobiographical play has been reworked to not only include a murdering prime minister, but, now, the prime minister has an army of misogynistic hockey players at his disposal to oppress the people of Canada.
“I believe that art can intimidate life and junk,” explained Snowflake, “My protestational of the, you know, hockey game and such makes people think about how I, like, you know, make a point and stuff. About democracy, you know?
“Additionally, I’d like to, you know, encourage people to take part in civil disobedience. Like, you know, burn cars, break windows and do stuff that buds forth the flowering of my definition of democracy. And junk.”
Concluded Snowflake: “Do you…do you guys know where I can score some weed?”
The media was quick to rush to Snowflake’s side.
“Such bravery, such majesty!” said a breathless Toronto Star reporter, “Snowflake is Canada’s Nelson Mandela; a modern day Moses. To stand up to all the oppressors who love hockey and say to them ‘NO! You must think as I do!’ takes the guts that lots of people don’t have. Snowflake is a shining representation of her generation. She will part the seas and lead us to the promised land of a bold new Canada.”
There is no word yet on whether the NHL will close it’s doors and cease operations. The city of Vancouver, on the other hand, did comply as it gave birth to a wonderful new democracy filled with burning cars, smashed windows, looters and beaten, bloodied people.
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