Vancouver Has Celebratory Riot After CFL Preseason Victory |
VANCOUVER (SBP) — Saskatchewan Roughrider fans have a lot to learn about passionately supporting their team. After the B.C. Lions defeated the Calgary Stampeders 24-0 in preseason action, Lions fans took to the streets, burned cars, broke windows and looted stores in an unbridled display of euphoria.
“Woo hoo! Lions number one!” cheered Moonbeam McLean as he threw a Molotov cocktail at a parked BMW, “There’s not a thing on the planet that can stop us! I’ve never felt so alive!”
With the victory, the Lions clinched at least a tie for second place in the western division’s preseason standings. Each team in the CFL plays two preseason games.
“In your face, Calgary!” cheered Starshine Tanner after posing in front of a burning building while flashing a “v” sign, “Is your city on fire? Are cops approaching you with battle armour? Are you looting a London Drugs right now? Yeah, I didn’t think so!”
With the city in such genuinely high spirits, Vancouver’s mayor weighed in on the preseason victory.
“The casual viewer might think that our city is woefully unprepared for mob orchestrated violence,” said the mayor, “But, locals know, this is how we party in Van City.
“People think that Vancouver is full of corrupt corporations, young anarchists and dirty hippies.” continued the mayor, “But, not many people know we have very passionate football fans too.
“I guess the flames of victory raging through the streets and consuming every car, building and city block now put us on the map as one of the best sports towns in the world.”
To show off civic pride, the city of Vancouver has set up a facebook page for citizens to post pictures of themselves violently celebrating. The page has over five-thousand “likes” and hundreds of photos of clearly visible Lions fans having the time of their life.
“It’s not like the stupid Olympics where we had people from all over the world peacefully celebrating,” said Daydream Smyth, “That kind of stuff gets old real fast and just isn’t the Van City way.
“Thank goodness all those international people left so that we can show the world what Vancouver is really about!”
When asked what the reaction would have been like had the Lions lost the preseason game, Daydream replied with, “Slightly more fire and looting. But, the love would still be there.”
In other sports news that night, the Boston Bruins won game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, defeating the Vancouver Canucks 4-0.
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