Toronto Dedicates Alleyway For Little Known Pro Football Team

TORONTO (SBP) — After years of playing in virtual anonymity, the Toronto Argonauts received their greatest honour when the city of Toronto finally dedicated an alleyway to the pro football franchise.  The alleyway, now known as “Argo Alley” backs off of the famous Wayne Gretzky’s restaurant on Blue Jays Way.

“Thank you, football team, for your years of bringing joy to a some group of people,” said one of Mayor Rob Ford’s staff has she read from a hand-written dirty napkin, “On behalf of the city of Toronto, thank you for however many awards you won and may you have continued success in whatever venue and/or league you play in.”

The dedication ceremony was attended by dozens of fans, many of whom acted like they were lined-up to get into Wayne Gretzky’s Restaurant or the famous Jeff Healy’s Roadhouse just down the street on Blue Jays Way.  Blue Jays Way is dedicated to the two-time world series champions, the Toronto Blue Jays.

“Okay!  O-kay!  Blue Jays!  Blue Jays!  Let’s!  Play!  BALL!” cheered a bystander as she watched the dedication ceremony for North America’s oldest pro football team.

Other fans chimed in to celebrate the dedication.

“Why yes, it would be great to have another thoroughfare named after a local pro sporting team,” said Torontonian Emerson Holiday as he sipped on his Starbucks coffee with his pinkie finger in the air, “What did you say the local professional team was?  FC?  The Raptors?  The Rock?

“Certainly, they didn’t name something else after the Maple Leafs or Blue Jays, did they?”

The dedication for the Argonauts marks the first time in two decades that the team has been recognized in the city.  The last time any interest was generated in the team was in 1991 when people would come to watch 15 minute Blues Brother’s concerts that were interrupted with the second half of a football match.

“Ah, yes, I remember those 1990’s Blues Brothers concerts,” recalled a Toronto music fan, “We’d sit and wait for these gladiator wannabes to get off the field.  But, once they left, that was when the true magic began.

“And, what was really amazing was that John Candy would also be there signing autographs during the concert.  Like, I’ve no idea why the hell he was there but, there he was, John freakin Candy!”

Argo Alley is not the only thoroughfare name change for the city.  By popular demand, one of Toronto’s main arteries is scheduled to be renamed “Buffalo Bills Valley Parkway” in early September.

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