Sask Party, NDP Woo Underage, Ineligible Voters

SASKATOON (SBP) — With polls showing an unprecedented amount of voters already decided, both the Sask Party and the Provincial NDP turned to people under the age of voting eligibility in order to make the lackadaisical “foregone conclusion” campaign somewhat exciting.

“We see this as a head start on the 2015, 2019, and 2023 campaigns.” said a Saskatchewan Party representative, “It’s an old adage in politics that you are always campaigning. And, while there’s a huge lull in this campaign with the NDP not even trying anymore, we thought, might as well be proactive and reach out to those who will be voting in the coming years.”

Both parties took time away from their regular campaigns last week to make promises that directly affect those who cannot legally vote for them. Firstly, the NDP promised Kindergarten students that they would be going to school for a full day rather than the half days they’ve currently been doing. The Sask Party countered by offering high school students 3 more days of summer by having school start after the Labour Day long weekend.

Reaction to the respective party’s voter ineligible platforms was mixed.

“No! I no want go!” said a kindergartner, “I pway, I eat, I get ti-wud, I want mommy. All day too long. More school? No!”

Meanwhile, teenagers were more open to the Saskatchewan Party’s idea.

“That’s pretty cool, dude,” said a small town high school student, “One last bush party to get shit-faced before the end of summer? Hells yeah! Booyah!”

Another student remarked that having a few extra days of summer “sure beats being ‘strongly encouraged’ to picket with the teachers when they go on strike every couple of years.”

On the administration side, the Saskatchewan School Board Association voiced their displeasure with not being consulted by the Sask Party.

“How dare the Sask Party not consult us! I have never heard of a boss telling their employee what to do! When in history has this ever happened?” said an SBA trustee, “My job isn’t to be dictated to by my boss. This is MY EMPIRE! Do you hear me? My…EMPIRE!”

The SBA trustee went on to say that this will irreparably affect the Board’s ability to indoctrinate students into regarding things like Halloween as “Black and Orange Day” and Christmas as “Winter Festival”.

“We need those extra three days before the long weekend to hammer these ideas into their little heads,” said the SBA trustee, “Otherwise we’ll just have a bunch of free thinking, Alberta-esque red necks running around.”

Whether or not the campaigning to ineligible voters will work down the road is anyone’s guess. Odds are that, should the NDP get into power, campaigning to these youngsters would be a fruitless pursuit as they would have already moved to Alberta by the time they became voting age.