Parliamentary Page Still Awaiting Imprisonment, Mutilation, Torture From Democratically Elected Dictatorship |
OTTAWA (SBP) — Communicating from a bunker in her parent’s basement, former Parliamentary Page, Precious Snowflake, reassured all her supporters that she is still alive and well for the time being. But, she warns, she will likely face some sort of capital punishment — including “death and worse” — from the government if she is found. This, coming days after Snowflake held up a sign during the throne speech to “Stop Democracy”. Full Story »
CBC Apologizes To Liberals, NDP, & Green Parties For Failing To Win Federal Election |
TORONTO (SBP) — Flummoxed with what to do to prevent future undesirable election results, the CBC has decided to issue an apology to the three political parties it shamelessly promoted during the 2011 election; The Liberal, NDP and Green Party. Full Story »
NHL Opens Training Camps During Stanley Cup Final |
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (SBP) — Shortly after approving the move of the Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman sent ripples through the sporting world by announcing that training camps are scheduled to open during the Stanley Cup Final. The move is intended to give the league maximum exposure during its showcase event. Full Story »
NHL Commissioner “Truly Sorry” to Bring Professional Hockey Back To Winnipeg |
WINNIPEG (SBP) — Holding back bitter tears and choking through his words, Commissioner Gary Bettman somberly announced that the NHL will be relocating the Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg for the upcoming season. The move is seen as a possible end to Bettman’s mission to destroy professional hockey in Canada. Full Story »
City To Rely On Global Warming For Residential Snow Removal |
REGINA (SBP) – Regina residents were greatly relieved when city council announced they would be saving millions of dollars in their snow removal budget by extending an invite to someone who will clear the snow forever and ever; Global Warming.
World Famous Calgary Rodeo Renamed To Honour Local Football Team |
CALGARY (SBP) – The internationally renowned Calgary Stampede has decided to honour the recent achievements of the city’s professional football team by renaming it’s world-renowned rodeo to “Runner Up Roundup”.
Rider Ritalin Now Available For Rider Playoff Games |
YOUR LOCAL PHARMACY (SBP) – Following a thrilling double overtime playoff victory, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have partnered with an area pharmacy to market a special brand of Ritalin. Rider Ritalin will be available for fans who fear they may become hyperactive during the upcoming western final against Calgary.
Eskimo Fans Remind Everyone Of Consecutive Championships From 30 Years Ago |
EDMONTON (SBP) – Legend has it that an elephant never forgets. Well, those lumbering mammals have nothing on Edmonton Eskimo fans.
Riders Bring Back Memories With Retro Losing Streak |
Regina (SBP) — Making the most of their centennial anniversary season, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have given fans a treat of yesteryear by losing 4 games in a row. The month long slump is part of the teams “Retro Month” where fans are encouraged to focus on the 11 year span in the 1970s and 80s where the team failed to make the playoffs.
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Lightning Strike Destroys “Touchdown Obama” Statue |
WASHINGTON, DC, USA (SBP) – A six-storey statue of an American messianic figure was struck by lightning Tuesday night and burned to the ground, leaving only a blackened steel skeleton and pieces of foam that were scooped up by evangelical fans.
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