Ex-Premier Attacked By Wolves During Consolation Speech |
SASKATOON (SBP) – During his concession speech after losing the election, outgoing Premier Lorne Calvert was unexpectedly attacked by the very wolves he cried about around-the-clock during the provincial election. The attack came as a shock to over 52% of the voting electorate who had ceased to believe him. Full Story »
New Rider Regime “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” |
REGINA (SBP) – With a winning record and preparations being made for their first home playoff game in 19 years, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have struck fear in the province’s citizens thanks to their new management. The new management – which was changed for the sake of change – have introduced a new concept to Rider fans; a new concept which is frightening new territory for the long suffering fans. Full Story »
McCallum Off To Wide-Left Coast |
VANCOUVER, BC (SBP) – Rumours abound that longtime Saskatchewan Roughrider kicker, Paul McCallum, has accepted a handshake offer with the British Columbia Lions and will be off to the wide-left coast within the month. McCallum, a loyal player who was also dedicated to the local community, had spent the past 12 years with Saskatchewan. Details of McCallum’s departure apparently revolve around the team’s offer of a pay cut to the veteran kicker. Full Story »
Unceremoniously Dumped Rider Elected To CFL Hall Of Fame |
HAMILTON (SBP) — The Canadian Football League announced that hugely popular former Saskatchewan Roughrider, Bobby Jurasin, was among 5 new inductees to the Canadian Football Hall of Fame. Jurasin, who was unceremoniously dumped by the Riders late in his career and forced to play his last game in shame as a Toronto Argonaut, joins Matt Dunigan, Allen Pitts, and Henry (Gizmo) Williams, along with builder Victor Spencer, as the 2006 inductees. Full Story »
Groundhog Doesn’t See Shadow, Packs Up And Moves To Alberta |
BALGONIE (SBP) — In a not so unfamiliar turn of events, Saskatchewan’s famous groundhog, Balgonie Bob, followed the footsteps of so many Saskatchewanians by waking up, not getting scared of his shadow, and deciding to move to Alberta. The move comes a full 24 hours before the official Groundhog Day ceremonies.
Full Story »
Queen’s Jubilee Marks 50 Years Of Drinking Tea, Dedicating Things |
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, UK (SBP) – It’s hard to believe but Queen Elizabeth has managed to celebrate 50 years as the British Monarch. The billionaire royal, who is also Canada’s head of state, credited her longevity in pseudo power to “endless” hard work and “inexhaustible” dedication. Full Story »
Russia Renegs On Promise To Pullout Before Olympic Climax |
SALT LAKE CITY (SBP) — Days after promising to pull out before the climactic end to the Winter Olympic Games, officials from Russia decided at the last minute to stay fully penetrated in the event until the very end. Full Story »
Women’s Hockey Referee Enjoying Silver Medal |
SOMEWHERE, USA (SBP) — The American Olympic referee who tried to screw over the Canadian women’s hockey team by calling 8 consecutive penalties against them has reportedly calmed down and is now enjoying the silver medal she was awarded along side the American women’s hockey team. Full Story »
Toronto In Rehab After Failed Olympic Bid |
REHAB CLINIC (SBP) – After wasting many years and blowing over 20 million dollars on the drug called “International Recognition”, the city of Toronto finally admitted itself into a rehabilitation clinic after finally hitting rock bottom. Losing an Olympic bid for the second time in 12 years finally forced the “world class city” to take a hard look at itself, admit it had a problem, and seek help. Full Story »
Area Man Hates His Fucking Job |
SASKATOON (SBP) — After 8 unfulfilling weeks at his new job, Joe Shmoe has finally had enough and readily admits that he hates his fucking job. The revelation came to him after being asked to do yet another menial task at his stupid fucking place of work. Full Story »